An In(fertility) Story

My family

When I married in December 2002, my husband and I thought we'd be parents before long. We wanted to wait about a year before we started trying, but we really didn't care if we got pregnant sooner than that. We wanted children so badly. We talked about our future kids even when we were engaged. We always joked that we'd have all girls. We also said we wanted three or four kids, so the best time to get started was while we were young. Those were our plans. God had other plans.

After a year of marriage, we became serious about conceiving a child, yet another year passed slowly. I became concerned and discussed this with my doctor. She assured me that I was fine and that getting pregnant wasn't as easy as it seemed. She did a few tests to ease my mind. Everything came back with great results. Then, another year passed. No pregnancy. No baby. Nothing.

At this point, I moved beyond concern to fear and sadness. I began to question God: "Why am I not getting pregnant? Why is everyone else getting pregnant so easily, it seems? Why? Why!?!" No answer.

Before long, four years of marriage had passed and still no baby. It seemed like everybody else was a Fertile Myrtle. I was devastated. My relationship with God was suffering. I humbly asked people to pray for us. I began to share my concerns with others at work. One co-worker told me of a fertility doctor in Memphis. I called and got an appointment quickly. By January 2007, I began a year long journey of fertility treatments and a year long walk of misery and loss. Nothing worked. Nothing lasted. And we tried everything we could, so we chose to walk away from fertility doctors, fertility treatments, and fertility medications--forever.

December 2007 came. Justin and I celebrated five years of marriage--still childless. At this point, our relationships with God and each other had suffered because of the grief that consumed us at times. We were exhausted. Also, we were angry and bitter, I much more than him. In January 2008, God broke me. I admitted my weakness. I admitted my sin of idolizing pregnancy and motherhood. Then, I read the story of Hannah in 1 Samuel one more time. On my knees, I prayed, "God, I get it! She walked away without tears, and she wasn't even pregnant yet. I understand. I know Your plan for our lives is bigger than being parents. I know that becoming a mother does not define me. I have learned so much, Lord, through my suffering. But, I am going to ask one more time, and I promise I won't ask again. Please give me a child. I want to be a mother, Lord. I promise to give that child back to you in every way possible. Please, God!" I stood up. I wiped my tears. I walked away relieved even though I didn't have an answer...yet.

Justin and I prayed together and decided to explore adoption shortly thereafter. We filled out the initial application at two adoption agencies and were trying to decide which one we would choose to pursue. I had heard all the adoption horror stories, so I really didn't believe in my heart this route would lead to a child. Nevertheless, it seemed like the last option we could take to become parents, our very hearts' desire. A few months passed, and we heard nothing from either agency. I didn't let this discourage me because I expected it to take a long time. God cleared my mind, and I focused on His will for my life.

In May 2008, four months after I had prayed, I reluctantly took a pregnancy test in a public restroom of all places, and to my complete astonishment, it was positive. The first thing I did was yell, "Thank you, God! Thank you, God! God, You are so good!" The other ladies in the restroom thought I was crazy until they saw the pregnancy test in my hands. (Imagine hearing that coming from a closed bathroom stall! Ha!) I rejoiced with complete strangers and then ran to tell Justin. He was shocked to say the least. In January 2009, we welcomed our beautiful little girl.

Not knowing if we'd be able to have another child and fearing we'd go through the same waiting period again, we decided when our daughter was a year old to let whatever happen happen. To our surprise, we found out we had conceived in April 2010 and by June, we were told the unexpected, shocking word--twins. The rest of the year was spent visiting the doctor and going in and out of the hospital, but in December of that same year, Justin and I welcomed those tiny and beautiful identical boys.

One Sunday as I struggled to walk in church with my three babies, a lady exclaimed, "You are just a Fertile Myrtle, aren't you!?!" I laughed in my heart knowing the story she didn't. Now, as I look back on the roller coaster ride, I am overwhelmed at God's faithfulness in my life. As a result, I pray for my kids daily. I pray they will do great things for the Lord. I desire my boys to be courageous men of God and my daughter to shine brightly and boldly for Him. I rejoice God has entrusted me to their care for a short time even though He didn't have to give me three children--or even one child for that matter. I am grateful forever for His underserved blessings and the way He turned my infertility sob-story into a beautiful story of His grace and power over all things. To Him be the glory!

Note to fellow infertility sufferers: I do not, under any circumstances, believe that there was some magic formula to my conceiving and giving birth. I know--without a doubt--God chooses to open and close the womb whenever He sees fit, and sometimes that occurs through fertility treatments and/or medicines. Please note that God began my healing process months before I conceived. I posted this to encourage you as these stories always encouraged me in my dark walk through infertility. Knowing what I know now, I see in part why God's timing was better than my timing. One day, we will know in full when we see Him. Hold on to that promise. Try to stay focused on the life to come in eternity with Him. It will bring you much joy.

Note to family members and friends of infertility sufferers: Please do me a HUGE favor and forget these common sayings because not one of them consoles someone who wants a child: 

• You need to stop trying so hard.
• You need to quit worrying about it so much.
• You need to accept that you won't be a parent.
• Are you doing it right?
• It will happen one day. I just know it. 
• Why don't you just adopt?

These words and many others only intensify the shame. Instead, pray for them to see God in this trial like never before. Pray for God to give them what they need, not what they want. Pray for their hurting, grieving hearts, and God will equip you to show compassion when needed.