"God, I Look to You"

A friend suggested I download this song from iTunes. I haven't regretted the purchase one second. The simple lyrics are a reminder of a resounding truth, a truth that will take you straight to your knees if you believe it.

Bethel Church's God, I Look to You

God, I look to You; I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God, I look to You; You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom; You know just what to do

I will love You, Lord my strength
I will love You, Lord my shield
I will love You, Lord my rock, forever
All my days I will love You, God

Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns
Hallelujah our God reigns forever all my days
Hallelujah 

For My Good

Joseph's story in Genesis is a beautiful one of reconciliation and restoration. It begins when Joseph's brothers are jealous and want Joseph dead. They sell him into slavery, faking his death by bringing his coat of many colors ripped and covered with blood to their father. Years pass, and Joseph is a slave, is accused falsely, and is thrown into prison. He continues to love and trust God throughout his hardships, even though they are many. Then, because of his God-given ability to interpret dreams, he rises to power in Egypt. And one day, his brothers unexpectedly arrive needing help because of a famine in their land. Who is the one person with the help they need? Yep. That's right. Joseph.

Joseph hides his identity from his brothers for a while, but when he can stand it no longer...

He cried, “Make everyone go out from me.” So no one stayed with him when Joseph made himself known to his brothers. And he wept aloud, so that the Egyptians heard it, and the household of Pharaoh heard it. And Joseph said to his brothers, “I am Joseph! Is my father still alive?” But his brothers could not answer him, for they were dismayed at his presence.

So Joseph said to his brothers, “Come near to me, please.” And they came near. And he said, “I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life. For the famine has been in the land these two years, and there are yet five years in which there will be neither plowing nor harvest. And God sent me before you to preserve for you a remnant on earth, and to keep alive for you many survivors. So it was not you who sent me here, but God. He has made me a father to Pharaoh, and lord of all his house and ruler over all the land of Egypt. Hurry and go up to my father and say to him, ‘Thus says your son Joseph, God has made me lord of all Egypt. Come down to me; do not tarry. You shall dwell in the land of Goshen, and you shall be near me, you and your children and your children's children, and your flocks, your herds, and all that you have. There I will provide for you, for there are yet five years of famine to come, so that you and your household, and all that you have, do not come to poverty.’ And now your eyes see, and the eyes of my brother Benjamin see, that it is my mouth that speaks to you. You must tell my father of all my honor in Egypt, and of all that you have seen. Hurry and bring my father down here.” Then he fell upon his brother Benjamin's neck and wept, and Benjamin wept upon his neck. And he kissed all his brothers and wept upon them. After that his brothers talked with him.

From Genesis 45, ESV

I cry every time I read this story. Crocodile tears, I tell you! The forgiveness Joseph shows, the humbleness the brothers reveal, and the understanding Joseph displays of the sovereignty of God all rock me to the core. God sent Joseph there. The brothers did not. Even though his brothers sinned against Joseph in very obvious and horrible ways, God was the author of Joseph's life, not them. They had no power over Joseph, even if they thought they did at the time. God alone has authority over His people. The irony of their "killing" Joseph saving their own lives gives me chills. Only a loving God works like this, working all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose. 

I rejoice in this God! He is able to take sins, even others' that were meant to hurt me, and use them for my well-being. He can use them in beneficial ways in other people's lives, too. Oh, great and mighty is He! 

No matter how terrible things seem, it's all for my good, for your good, and best of all, for His glory!

 

This and That

This is a reminder, ladies, that we need to protect our homes. A porn-free church starts with porn-free homes. Put filters on all electronic devices (even yours) to protect your man, yourself, and your kids from the trash.

I would love to hear a politician answer the abortion question that way! Wouldn't you?

(Right)eous Anger

Righteous anger is not an oxymoron like some think. It's straight up biblical.

Consider the following verses from Ephesians 4, ESV (emphasis mine):

²⁵ Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. ²⁶ Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, ²⁷ and give no opportunity to the devil. ²⁸ Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. ²⁹ Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may givegrace to those who hear. ³⁰ And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. ³¹ Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. ³² Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Is it wrong to be angry? If you think so, then you are forgetting that even Jesus got angry when he cleared the temple (Matthew 21). The people's actions made Jesus angry because they were displeasing God.

A lot happened over the last year of my life that made me angry. I won't glorify Satan with the gory details, but to sum up, I was thrown in the pit and trampled over by family, friends, and fellow church goers. It hurt. Then, it made me furious.

Was I wrong to get angry? Absolutely not. When people sin against me, it should make me angry. When people sin against others, it should make me angry. When I sin, it should make me angry, too. In other words, when sin happens, I should get angry because I should hate sin as much as God does.

But (and it's a BIG BUT), the story doesn't end there. I, like God, must forgive. Verse 32 of Ephesians makes it clear that no matter how angry I might become, I have a greater calling to be tenderhearted towards others. He forgave me; therefore, I forgive others. The conclusion is based on the premise. It makes sense to forgive. It's kind to forgive. Most importantly, it's Christ-like to forgive.

Don't be mistaken: It's not wrong to get angry when people sin against God, others, or you. It's wrong to let it consume you (v. 31). It's wrong to let it lead you to sin (v. 26). You can be angry, Christian. It's biblical to be angry, yet holding it inside won't help mend your hurt. Lashing out at others after wallowing in the anger won't either.

What then should we do when we get righteously angry? Acknowledge the anger, feel the anger, express it to God, seek reconciliation with the offender, and forgive the culprit no matter what.

A Long Way From Home

Something I rarely share is my testimony. That confession brings me disgrace, but one of my main goals in my walk with Christ (and this blog) is to be transparent to Him and others. Every time I meditate on the book of Hosea, I am overwhelmed with gratitude for God's pursuit of His children, us harlots, and how he redeems them from self-inflicted slavery. That is my testimony in a nutshell, as I'm sure it is yours, too, if you are a Christian. My story is nothing fancy, but it's mine. And I share it with the online world for His glory, not my own.

My spiritual journey began when I was baptized as a young girl around the age of six. I remember wanting to get baptized because another girl in my Sunday School class was. That was my one and only motivation; I didn't know Christ yet.

I was baptized again in seventh grade. My church's youth group when to an amazing summer camp called Friends Forever at Baylor University, and I felt all the right feelings while there. I began to doubt my salvation and quickly went to my youth minister claiming I wasn't a Christian. He prayed a prayer with me, and the rest is history. No, not really. I still didn't know Christ.

After a life of debauchery in most of high school and half of college college, I began seeking a deeper understanding of what it meant to be a Christian. During my junior year, my Bible became a friend of mine as I read it often. I even prayed often. I knew that I was not living a Christian lifestyle when it appeared, occasionally, I was genuine. My closest friend surrendered to the ministry in December of my junior year in undergrad, and I began to attend church and various Bible studies regularly. I still felt like a fraud because I doubted Christianity more than I believed it. Half of me wanted to break free from the facade. The other half was intrigued. I picked up C.S. Lewis's Mere Christianity and devoured it, and the truth began to resonate in my soul. Lewis's words made sense to me. The logic that I needed was everywhere, and God revealed to me I was not a true believer, but I wanted to be. My thoughts were racing: "What will my friends think? Everyone thinks I'm saved. My family will be embarrassed. I've been baptized two times already. Maybe I'm crazy. Maybe I'm already a Christian." All the what if's and maybe's continued for months until my senior year of college.

In October 2000, I felt such a strong call on my life from God. Words can't express what His power was doing to me, but I was running from Him. I was making secret plans to go out of state to graduate school. Getting married like everyone else was not what I really wanted at the time. I would have been willing to do anything to be successful and live my dream life. Like God did with Jonah, He forbid me to hide. Finally, during an evening church service, I couldn't take it any longer. I turned to a friend and said the words, "I am not a Christian, but I want to be." To my relief, he quickly ushered me to one of the church's ministers and stood by my side the entire time we talked and prayed. My salvation experience didn't end there; it was just the beginning.

The next morning, I visited with my home church's pastor and told him what was happening in my life. I was excited and scared, but I knew I was doing the only thing I could because I couldn't say no to God. He gave me another book to read: Charles Colson's How Now Shall We Live to help me form my worldview. He assured me from my growing up in church that I knew all the Sunday School answers, but Colson's book would help me in the intellectual world I was about to confront in graduate school. When I left there, I still had many burdens to take to the Lord and talking and praying with people wasn't what I needed that day.

On Monday night, I began an almost forty-eight hour prayer time with God confessing my sins and begging His forgiveness. I also prayed for God to direct my future although I knew what He was telling me to do. I didn't go to class or sleep that entire time. I stayed in my dorm room closet on my face becoming justified by repenting of my sins, and my sanctification process began then as well. I didn't understand all of those five dollar theological words at the time, but looking back, I clearly see what God was doing.

When I came out of my almost forty-eight hour prayer time, I desired to obey God, wanting to please Him and not myself. I stopped running from the future He had for me, and I made hard decisions like ending a serious relationship and deciding to apply for a teaching assistant position at an in-state graduate school. Both of those decisions scared me, but God's faithfulness led me down a difficult yet rewarding path.

A few weeks later I was baptized in the same church I had been twice before. My close friends and family came to show their support. The next year proved difficult as I received one college degree and began seeking another that led to a teaching career and, more importantly, as I ended one relationship and started another fast-moving, mind-boggling one that led to marriage. New Christians usually do have many obstacles to overcome, and the time after conversion can be trying. I know I was tempted in many ways during those early months; sometimes I resisted, and sometimes I did not.

Now, I look back on that difficult and exciting time with abundant joy, and my story continues still. I was redeemed from sin-slavery in October 2000; I was reconciled and restored to a mighty Savior, but I am still a sinner who is a long way from home. God sanctifies me bit by bit every single day, and many times, it hurts. The cross hurt Him though. My sufferings don't compare to His in the least. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Still Guilty?

I feel guilty.

I feel guilty because I'm not a good enough wife and mother. I feel guilty because I don't spend enough time with my disabled aunt. Then, I feel guilty because I don't devote enough of myself to helping my students succeed. And after all of those beatings, I feel guilty I don't relish in the time I have with my sweet grandmother, the only grandparent I have left. On top of it all, I feel guilty I'm not giving my time adequately at church or, most importantly, at home being still with God.

"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

When do I stop long enough to realize that He is God? When do I stand still to let my sensibility quench my guilt? When do I sit in silence basking in awe of my Savior? I don't do these things enough. Herein lies the problem. The only way I'll ever stop condemning myself is to sit at the feet of the One who died for me so that I wouldn't be condemned.

Be still, Christie. My yoke is easy; my burden is light. 

Entertained to Death (Continued)

My concern for our culture's obsession with entertainment, starting with my students, is personal. I am a guilty party, and on some level, I could argue most of us are. Today, I want to briefly show the characteristics I've observed of people who thrive on being entertained to death and the truth God's Word offers to counteract this ungodly mentality. 

The Dangers of Entertainment Overload

1) My World Syndrome: "The most important person in this world is me, myself, and I. You only matter if you can help me get what I need or want. I can do whatever I want, even if it hurts you."

2) ADD: "I haven't been diagnosed with ADD clinically, but I can't concentrate on anything unless it entertains me."

3) Duh Disease: "I don't know things I should know because I know so many things I shouldn't. People say "duh" to me (loudly or silently) because I seem to be out in left field when it comes to common knowledge and even worse, biblical knowledge.  I mean, who really sits still to read the Bible?"

4) What's in It for Me Disorder: "Nothing going on in this world matters unless it is clear how it will help or hurt me today."

The Truth

1) This is His world. This is not your world. Again, this is His world. And He came to serve and give his life as a ransom for many. Follow His example. (Mark 10:45)

2) You better pay attention to His words. You can meditate on the Word just like you meditate on entertainment. Pray for a desire to learn more. Force yourself to memorize scripture--write it on your heart. (Psalm 119:11)

3) You can know His Word. You can have wisdom, so pray for it, and like James tells us, wisdom from above is pure, peaceable, reasonable, gentle... (James 3:17)

4) It's not about you; it's about Him and others. Stop thinking of how things will affect you and think about how they affect others. Be a good Samaritan. (Luke 10:25-37)

Also, consider these verses: 

Psalm 115: 4-7 (ESV)
Their idols are silver and gold,   

    the work of human hands.
They have mouths, but do not speak;
    eyes, but do not see.
They have ears, but do not hear;
    noses, but do not smell.
They have hands, but do not feel;
    feet, but do not walk;
    and they do not make a sound in their throat.
Those who make them become like them;    so do all who trust in them.

Do we want to worship the heathen idols found here? I don't think so. My God speaks, sees, and hears us. He is all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-consuming. He is worthy of our time and worship. The entertainment idols we have aren't worth anything in the long run. They mean absolutely nothing when we stop to think. (Oh, snap! We don't stop to think anymore, do we?)

As a teacher of young adults, I get on a soapbox about this subject pretty often. I desire my students to see that it's not all about them and their iPods, iPhones, or iPads. It's not about you or me either. So, let's unplug and charge our batteries on the things that matter. 

This and That

This is a good reminder to chill out, moms. I stand convicted.

Want to hear a good sermon? Go to that website and check out Tim Keller's sermons. You can download free sermons of his on iTunes. My favorite is "Forgiving and Forgiven." I have listened to it several times.

Entertained to Death

I must confess that I get annoyed easily. When students repetitiously tap pens or feet in class, my skin crawls. As an English teacher, I also have several pet peeves when it comes to grammar errors. When I am grading, I often want to pull my hair out over these mistakes. Over the past eleven years, there is something else that annoys me even more than those two examples: I cannot tolerate that my students are entertained to death.

When I was a young, non-Christian undergrad, I was similar to my own students. I had a certain television show--Dawson's Creek--that I would not miss. It was so important to me that I would not schedule anything on the night it aired, and there had to be absolute quiet in my dorm room when watching. Yes, I am serious. I was just as serious about my music. If a song I loved played on the radio, I wanted to turn it up and sing my heart out without interruptions. What's so wrong with this scenario? I was worshiping entertainment to my detriment. I was self-centered and entertainment-driven.

Now, students have music blaring in their ears non-stop. They have a DVR that allows uninterrupted viewing of several programs whenever they choose. They also have cell phones to occupy them almost constantly. Entertainment worship has gotten more convenient, but as Christians, we cannot fall prey to the entertainment industry's claws, which tear us to bits with ideas that are only of this world and make us self-focused rather than others-focused. What do worldly music, television programs, movies, and the internet contain? A lot of garbage. It's addictive garbage, too. 

No matter what one may argue about the different forms of entertainment, being addicted to it will deform a worldview. For example, on Dawson's Creek, most of the major characters went back and forth from one relationship to the other. It didn't matter how close Jen and Joey were or weren't they would back stab when it came to boys. The guys acted the same way. The program was all about fulfilling your own needs, desires, and dreams (even if it hurt the people you loved). This affected me during the early years of college. I'm not blaming a television show for my own decisions, but I am arguing that it warped my worldview and made it easier for me to accept sinful behaviors. 

Saying all programs are not worth watching, all internet content is not worth viewing, and all music is not worth hearing is fallacious. Many give us insight into the human condition and lead to helpful discussions about our society, our sinfulness, and our need for God. It's not all meaningless. The problem occurs when we look to these vehicles for our beliefs. Our beliefs should come from Scripture. Our ideas should be based on God and His kingdom. We should view all ideas that aren't from Scripture with a lens coated with biblical truth so that we can discern what the will of God is, that which is good, acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2).

My views on this issue are not legalistic, so please don't think I am being Pharisaic. I still watch television occasionally, listen to secular music from time to time, and keep my cell phone near. I'm on the internet right now as I write this blog post; however, I have learned, personally, how entertainment worship can make us waste precious time that could be used for God. After reading John Piper's Don't Waste Your Life, I was convicted deeply. Piper doesn't watch television. He makes a great case against Christians wasting time watching the tube and other forms of meaningless entertainment. Soon thereafter, I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan, and Chan describes a conversation he had with his wife's godly grandmother. When asked why she never enjoys theater visits, she replies that she does not frequent places she would be ashamed if Christ saw her there. Chan's response was awe. Mine was too.

So what should we do? Should we stop watching television? Should we stop going to the theater? Not necessarily. We, however, should prioritize our lives around biblical principles and not worldly ones. We should ask ourselves these questions:

• Do I spend more time watching television or praying? 
• Do I spend more time asking lost friends to watch a movie or go to church? 
• Do I spend more time reading Facebook/Twitter or God's Word?
• Do I spend more time playing video games than witnessing to strangers?
• Do I spend more time downloading music promoting Satan's agenda or God's? 

Think long and hard about where you spend your time and money. After I became a believer, I felt convicted of my entertainment worship again and again. I gradually stopped watching many of the television programs I hated to miss. I have cut out some music genres that weren't pleasing to God. If I'm spending too much time on my computer, Justin will tell me. I shut it then and there. Over the years, I have found myself getting caught up in some form of entertainment only to be convicted again. During grad school, I found myself wasting time playing video games of all things! My biggest struggle now is my cell phone; I need to put it away more than I do, and I'm working on that each day.

I praise God for His sanctifying work in my self-centered, entertainment-seeking soul. Walking away from entertainment overload leaves more time for my relationships with God, family, and others. He often reminds me I was not put on this earth to be entertained to death. Neither were you, so don't be. My prayer for you and me both is to find more ways to become god-driven. You won't regret it. I haven't. If only my students would agree!

Interview

Matt Smethurst interviews Tullian Tchividjian about his new book: Read the whole thing here. 

I identify with this answer, particularly, because God has been chipping away my idols piece by piece over the past five years. He knocked off a big chunk in the last year of my life. I put my favorite quote in bold. 

The idea that the Holy Spirit comforts us in our grief isn't uncommon, but what does the gospel itself have to do with our suffering?

Through many throbbing trials I've discovered that painful circumstances themselves cannot rob us of joy. Only idolatry can. Joylessness in the crucible of ache happens when we lose (or are losing) something we think we need to be truly happy---something that "makes us."

When I was going through a painful transition during a church merger, I thought the source of my joylessness was my circumstances. Fear, anxiety, anger, frustration---all of these things, I assumed, would go away if my circumstances were different. If those out to get me would simply start being nice or leave the church, then my pain would vanish. But the truth was that God was breaking down my idols. I never realized how dependent I'd become on human approval and acceptance to "justify" me until God took it away. I never realized just how much I was relying on the validation of others to make me feel like I mattered until it was gone. God reminded me that when we're united to Christ, we don't need to spend our lives trying to earn the approval, acceptance, or affection of those around us because Jesus has already earned God's approval, acceptance, and affection for us.

Interestingly, even though my circumstances worsened in the ensuing months, knowing that everything I needed was already mine in Jesus set me free. I wasn't immediately set free from my pain, but the good news of the gospel set me free in my pain---free from bitterness, anxiety, fear, anger, and so on.

Or maybe you're suffering through a less-than-satisfying marriage, and you're ready to throw in the towel. While your marriage may indeed be racked with difficulty, it's not so much the painful circumstances that ultimately cause your joylessness. It's the fact that you're depending on your spouse to be for you what only Jesus can be.

The gospel comes in and announces that, because Jesus has done everything for me, I can do everything for you without needing you to do anything for me. So, for example, I enjoy receiving love from my wife. Something in me comes alive when Kim expresses affection toward me. But I've learned that I don't need that love, because in Jesus I receive all the love I need. This then liberates me to love Kim without apprehension or condition. I get to revel in her enjoyment of my love without needing anything from her in return. I get love from Jesus so I can give love to her. The gospel frees me from the pressure to extract from her (and others) what I think I need in order to be secure, significant, and happy---since my identity is locked in what Christ has already given me, not in what I can get from others.

FYI

The following blog post is by Russell Moore. He is a Mississippi boy who works at Southern Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky.

Farewell to the American Protestant Majority

According to a new study by the Pew Forum, Protestants are, for the first time in history, not a majority in the United States of America. I don’t think that’s anything for evangelical Protestants, or anyone else, to panic about.

Several years ago, I pointed out here that studies were showing a declining Protestant majority, and projections were being made for this very reality. Now, the surveys says we have a 48 percent plurality of Protestants. I wasn’t frantic about that several years ago, and I’m still not.

When working toward our “God and country” badges, my childhood Boy Scout troop was shuttled over to the neighborhood United Methodist church for sessions with the pastor about being good Christians and good citizens. I remember my Southern Baptist sensibilities being shocked when the pastor said, in response to a question, that he didn’t believe in angels or demons. The reigning cultural presence of mainline Protestantism served the same purpose as the “God and country” badge. Give us enough Christianity to fight the communists and save the Republic, they said, but let’s remember not to take it all too seriously.

That culture is over.

Frankly, we should be more concerned about the loss of a Christian majority in the Protestant churches than about the loss of a Protestant majority in the United States. Most of the old-line Protestant denominations are captive to every theological fad that has blown through their divinity schools in the past thirty years-from crypto-Marxist liberation ideologies to sexual identity politics to a neo-pagan vision of God—complete with gender neutralized liturgies. Should we lament the fact that the Riverside Avenue Protestant establishment is now collapsing under the weight of its own bureaucracy?

What we should pay attention to instead may be the fresh wind of orthodox Christianity whistling through the leaves-especially throughout the third world, and in some unlikely places in North America, as well. Sometimes animists, Buddhists, and body-pierced Starbucks employees are more fertile ground for the gospel than the confirmed Episcopalian at the helm of the Rotary Club.

Accordingly, evangelicals will engage the culture much like the apostles did in the first century—not primarily to “baptized” pagans on someone’s church roll, but as those who are hearing something new for the first time. There may be fewer bureaucrats in denominational headquarters, but there might be more authentically Christian churches preaching an authentically Christian gospel.

We will be pained to see idolatries springing up where churches once were. In that we will have the same experience our brother Paul did two millennia ago in Athens (Acts 17:16). But like him, sometimes it is easier to gain a hearing among people who know they are ignorant (Acts 17:17), than with those who think they know. Paul listened to the pagan poetry about Zeus, and showed the Athenian philosophers how not even they could live with the kind of god-concepts they said they believed. Around us we hear the father-hunger in the hip-hop lyrics blaring down the urban sidewalk.

We see the fear of death in the plastic surgery clinics and health clubs springing up in the suburban strip-malls. We hear the despondency of sin lamented in the words of a country music song on the sound system of a rural gas station. Against all of that, we proclaim the only message that can answer these unconscious longings and these conscious resentments—Jesus and the resurrection (Acts 17:18). The pagans won’t always listen—but they will know that we are saying something new (Acts 17:32).

The American Protestant majority is is over and to that  I say, “good riddance.” Now let’s pray for something new—like a global Christian majority, on earth as it is in heaven.

HT: Russell Moore

In the Light of Life

Psalm 56, ESV

Be gracious to me, O God, for man tramples on me;
    all day long an attacker oppresses me;
² my enemies trample on me all day long,
    for many attack me proudly.
³ When I am afraid,
    I put my trust in you.
⁴ In God, whose word I praise,
    in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
    What can flesh do to me?

⁵ All day long they injure my cause;
    all their thoughts are against me for evil.
⁶ They stir up strife, they lurk;
    they watch my steps,
    as they have waited for my life.
⁷ For their crime will they escape?
    In wrath cast down the peoples, O God!

⁸ You have kept count of my tossings;
    put my tears in your bottle.
    Are they not in your book?
⁹ Then my enemies will turn back
    in the day when I call.
    This I know, that God is for me.
¹⁰ In God, whose word I praise,
    in the Lord, whose word I praise,
¹¹ in God I trust; I shall not be afraid.
    What can man do to me?

¹² I must perform my vows to you, O God;
    I will render thank offerings to you.
¹³ For you have delivered my soul from death,
    yes, my feet from falling,
that I may walk before God
    in the light of life.

This Present Hell

Despair. Hopelessness. Suffering. Those are ugly words and even uglier feelings. Sometimes, my suffering feels never ending with no hope in sight. During those times, I drown in despair. Recently, I was reminded that it's not my job to end my own suffering but to stand in Truth and keep pressing forward. When those tough days come, three things I must remember are as follows:

1) God is sovereign. God has everything in heaven and on earth under His control. (Psalm 103)
2) God has the best for my life in His heart and mind. (Philippians 1:6)
3) Jesus asked for his suffering to end, too, and it didn't. 

³⁶ Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to his disciples, “Sit here, while I go over there and pray.” ³⁷ And taking with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, he began to be sorrowful and troubled. ³⁸ Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” ³⁹ And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” ⁴⁰ And he came to the disciples and found them sleeping. And he said to Peter, “So, could you not watch with me one hour? ⁴¹ Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” ⁴² Again, for the second time, he went away and prayed, “My Father, if this cannot pass unless I drink it, your will be done.” ⁴³ And again he came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. ⁴⁴ So, leaving them again, he went away and prayed for the third time, saying the same words again. ⁴⁵ Then he came to the disciples and said to them, “Sleep and take your rest later on. See, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is betrayed into the hands of sinners. ⁴⁶ Rise, let us be going; see, my betrayer is at hand."
From Matthew 26, ESV

Jesus asked three times for the cup to pass from Him, but the cup was His to bear. He had to endure the most intense suffering, something I will never experience because, by God's amazing grace, the cup remained in Jesus' possession. Jesus could have ended His sorrow, but He didn't because it wasn't God's will. Jesus, being perfect, accepted the will of God. I, on the other hand, give in to my flesh and look for ways to hurry through this present hell, yet it's not my job to pass the cup. It's God's. He will declare, "It is finished" when it is, and not one moment earlier. Until that blessed day, my suffering soul rests in Him.

Shattered

I often imagine when Justin and I married, we looked at each other through shattered glass. When I gazed at him, I only saw fragmented pieces and tried to fit the other pieces to form the man I thought I married. I brought my preconceived ideas about men, and he brought his about women when he looked at me through the glass's other side. We envisioned what we loved about each other but, in reality, only were seeing the pieces that fit based on our childhoods, past failures, and faulty preconceptions.

Then, the unthinkable happened. The glass fell to the ground in pieces! I saw him. He saw me. Every single good, bad, and ugly part was visible. The crazy ideas we had about each other were exposed along with what we really looked like. It was excruciating. It was embarrasing. It was shameful.

And it was liberating!

This shattered glass metaphor is similar to what really happened in our marriage. When Justin fell, he hit the glass on the way down. It was the best worst thing that ever happened to us, too, because now we aren't partially blinded by our pasts, previous mistakes, or preconceived notions of whom we were supposed to marry. We see each other's bare naked soul and accept it, weaknesses and all.

I am thankful for the shattered glass lying all around, and I will never try to pick up the pieces. They will lie there as a reminder of what we once were and, prayerfully, never will be again.

Taking a Break

 I'm taking a much needed break from blog writing and posting to focus on work and family. See you next week!

This and That

This is a great perspective on how having faith can cause doubts, as strange as that sounds.

That is yet another reason why I'm ordering Tullian's book; it became available yesterday!

The Right Direction

In the days when the judges ruled there was a famine in the land, and a man of Bethlehem in Judah went to sojourn in the country of Moab, he and his wife and his two sons. ² The name of the man was Elimelech and the name of his wife Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Chilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem in Judah. They went into the country of Moab and remained there. ³ But Elimelech, the husband of Naomi, died, and she was left with her two sons. ⁴ These took Moabite wives; the name of the one was Orpah and the name of the other Ruth. They lived there about ten years, ⁵ and both Mahlon and Chilion died, so that the woman was left without her two sons and her husband.
From Ruth 1, ESV

A close friend recently shared a perspective about Naomi from the book of Ruth. I never considered how Naomi was wronged by her husband. When studying Ruth, we often focus on the romance of Ruth and Boaz and not Naomi's role. However, Elimelech, running from hard times, takes his family to Moab, which would have been against God's design for his family. Then, the wrongs continue when his sons take foreign wives. Finally, he and his sons die, arguably as a direct result of his sin.

When Naomi returns to Judah, she asks to be called Marah meaning bitter. Wouldn't we all be if our husbands' actions led to such heartache?

The story doesn't end there, thankfully. We are familiar with the good that results from her husband's sin. Ruth, her Moabite daughter-in-law, becomes a believer. Also, Ruth accompanies Naomi in her return to Judah. Even through the difficulties, Naomi remembers that she needs to trust God. Drowning in bitterness, she seeks to obey God by traveling home to her people and, in a way, her God.

The happy ending occurs when Ruth, a relationship resulting from Elimelech's sin, assists in Naomi's redemption by seeking help from Boaz, their kinsman redeemer. Ruth obeys Naomi's orders, and God redeems both women's lives in spite of the wrongs of the husband. (Read Ruth for the whole story.) Eventually, Jesus comes directly from the lineage of Boaz and Ruth. Our Redeemer results from Naomi's faithfulness to God in spite of her embittered state.

From bitterness to redemption, Naomi's example can teach us a lot. If we find ourselves consumed in bitterness, we need to take steps in the right direction no matter how difficult. God can redeem us no matter what others inflict upon us. He can use us for great things, too. We only need to start walking.