This and That

Two books you need to read (if you haven't already) are this and that.

Surrender

Somehow, I missed the Mercy Me song The Hurt and the Healer, but I listened to the words for the first time last week on the way to work. What truth! They nailed it--a beautiful reminder of what true surrender to God entails. God wants us to surrender everything to Him, especially our hurt.

Here are the lyrics:

Why?
The question that is never far away
The healing doesn't come from the explained
Jesus please don't let this go in vain
You're all I have
All that remains
So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into Your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Breathe
Sometimes I feel it's all that I can do
Pain so deep that I can hardly move
Just keep my eyes completely fixed on You
Lord take hold and pull me through
So here I am
What's left of me
Where glory meets my suffering

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

It's the moment when humanity
Is overcome by majesty
When grace is ushered in for good
And all the scars are understood
When mercy takes its rightful place
And all these questions fade away
When out of the weakness we must bow
And hear You say, "It's over now"

I'm alive
Even though a part of me has died
You take my heart and breathe it back to life
I've fallen into your arms open wide
When the hurt and the healer collide

Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here
When the hurt and the healer collide
Jesus come and break my fear
Awake my heart and take my tears
Find Your glory even here 


Hurt is complicated because of its terrible domino effect leading to anger, doubts, fears, insecurities, sufferings, scars, and weaknesses, just to name a few. Then comes the numbness and indifference or even worse, bitterness. Just like the lyrics state, "I'm alive even though a part of me has died." Hurt can make one feel very alive at first. When I hurt, I am reminded how mortal I am because the pain can be unbearable, but then the grieving consumes me until I feel dead inside. God wants us to die; surrender is dying to self daily. The beauty of hurt is that it kills off parts of self bit by bit so that we become more and more dependent upon Him for everything in this short life.

So surrender your
hurt,
anger,
doubts,
fears,
insecurities,
sufferings,
scars,
weaknesses,
numbness,
indifference,
bitterness,
dead self.
Then live.

Listen to The Hurt and the Healer. I pray it encourages you as much as it encourages me.
 

She Needs You

 
Watching Justin interact with my three-year-old daughter is such a blessing. Seeing how she hangs on his every word makes my heart sing. I stumbled upon this list and thought I'd share it. I often hear Justin say many of these to my little monkey:

Every girl...should hear this coming from the lips of her father by the time she becomes an adult.

1. You are beautiful.
2. You deserve a man who will treat you like a princess.
3. If any man hurts you, they’ll have to deal with me.
4. I love you enough to find out where you’re going, who you’ll be with, and when you’ll get home.
5. May I have this dance?
6. You can be anything you want to be.
7. I’m proud of you.
8. I’m amazed at how smart and talented you are.
9. Would you like to go on a date with me?
10. I’ll always love you no matter what you do.

 HT: Tamera Kraft

Filling the Hole

Psalm 23, ESV

A Psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
²     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
³     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

⁴ Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

⁵ You prepare a table before me

    in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

    my cup overflows.

⁶ Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

    all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

    forever.

You all know Psalm 23 well, I'm certain. You probably associate it with funerals. Reread it refusing to think of death. This psalm is about life and the needs we face daily--like confronting the emptiness inside of us. I have a hole within me and so do you. We want. We need to be restored. We need help when we fear evil. We need comfort. We need goodness and mercy in our hearts, our minds. I have tried to fill my hole with lots of good and bad things in my life, but nothing has worked, nothing has filled the hole except Him.

I've tried family, friends, boyfriends, music, movies, television, books, school, my career, my husband, and my children. I've even tried sex and alcohol. I've also tried my reputation, accomplishments, and good deeds. I've made these things idols at times; however, I was always disappointed. Nothing worked. Nothing sustained me. Nothing became an addictive habit either, and God gets all the glory for that. Yet some people do form addictions. Those people fail to walk away from the idols. Those folks fill the hole over and again with the same things, things that don't work. There's hope for those people, too.

Reread Psalm 23 seeing how David makes it known that God will comfort you when you walk through the valley. His rod and staff will comfort you? Think about that metaphor for a second. If you are a sheep walking towards danger, is your shepherd is going to comfort you with his rod and staff? No, he will jerk you backward as quickly as possible to keep you from killing yourself. And, strangely enough, that is your comfort. It might be painful, but He will save you from self-destruction if He is your Shepherd. You and I will then be comforted, as excruciating as the process might be.

My challenge to you is to look at this Psalm as being written about life, not death. Think about how God is there when we are doing okay and filling our lives with Him and when we aren't doing okay and are filling our lives with idols. He is there from beginning to end. He is the only one who can fill empty souls satisfactorily.

What's filling your hole? Is it God? Or idols?

This and That

Is Tim Tebow a chauvinist pig? Seriously, feminists? It's time you read this.

That has some info worth pondering regarding Christians and homosexuality.

Heart

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." 

Luke 6:45, ESV

3500 Pageviews!

I cannot believe I have had 3,500 pageviews since I started R&R in July and made it public on Facebook in August. Wow! I am humbled by what God is doing through my blog, for me and, hopefully, others.

Writing this blog is therapy for me, so if no one reads it, God is still working in my life; however, He has shown me others need the truths he's teaching me daily. I am so humbled and overwhelmed at His blessings.

Know that I pray for you, my readers. I bathe my posts in prayer. Many are written in the wee hours of the night when God and I spend the most time together. He put this blog on my heart late one night, so as long as he continues to give me the words, I will write.

Thanks for reading. 

More Proof I Need to Buy This Book

The Man at the Bottom

Contrary to popular belief, Christianity is not about good people getting better. If anything, it is about bad people coping with their failure to be good. That is to say, Christianity concerns the gospel, which is nothing more or less than the good news that “Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners” (1 Tim. 1:15). “[Christ] was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification” (Rom. 4:25). The gospel is a proclamation that always addresses sinners and sufferers directly (i.e., you and me).

The prevailing view in much of contemporary Christianity is more subjective. It tends to be far more focused on the happiness and moral performance of the Christian than the object of faith, Christ Himself.

Think about it: How often have you heard the gospel equated with a positive change in a believer’s life? “I used to __________, but then I met Jesus and now I’m ___________.” It may be unintentional, but we make a serious mistake when we reduce the good news to its results, such as patience, sobriety, and compassion, in the lives of those who have heard it. These are beautiful developments, and they should be celebrated. But they should not be confused with the gospel itself. The gospel is not a means to an end, it is an end in itself.

What happens in this scheme is the following: well-meaning Christians adopt a narrative of improvement that becomes a law (or an identity, which is often the same thing) through which we filter our experiences. The narrative can be as simple as “I was worse, but now I am better,” or as arbitrary as “I used to have a difficult relationship with my mother, but now it’s much easier.” Soon we wed our faith to these narratives, and when an experience or feeling doesn’t fit—for example, when we have a sudden outburst of anger at someone we thought we had forgiven—we deny or rationalize the behavior.

If the narrative we’ve adopted says that in order for our relationship with God to be legitimate, our life has to get better, we set up an inescapable conflict, or what social scientists call “cognitive dissonance.” When our view of ourselves is at risk, honesty is always the first casualty. That is, when the gospel is twisted into a moral improvement scheme, (self-)deception is the foregone conclusion.

There’s a classic New Yorker cartoon of a man sitting down with a woman, having dinner, saying to her, “Look, I can’t promise I’ll change, but I can promise I’ll pretend to change.” I hope that line doesn’t characterize your church, but it does characterize more churches than you think. Instead of a hospital for sufferers, church becomes a glorified costume party, where lonely men and women tirelessly police each other’s facade of holiness. The higher up in the pecking order, the less room for weakness. Perhaps it should come as no surprise when we read headlines of pastors of legalistic churches acting out in self-destructive ways (Rom. 5:20).

God is not interested in what you think you should be or feel. He is not interested in the narrative you construct for yourself, or that others construct for you. He may even use suffering to deconstruct that narrative. Rather, He is interested in you, the you who suffers, the you who inflicts suffering on others, the you who hides, the you who has bad days (and good ones). And He meets you where you are. Jesus is not the man at the top of the stairs; He is the man at the bottom, the friend of sinners, the savior of those in need of one. Which is all of us, all of the time.

(Excerpted from Glorious Ruin: How Suffering Sets You Free, pg. 78-80)

HT: Tullian Tchividjian

The D Word

The D word isn't a cuss word. It's a part of everyone's life in some way. It's one of the ugliest parts of  US culture too. It's divorce.

Divorce, I hate. I hate divorce. Divorce is hated by me. I could say it over and over again. I could say it a hundred different ways. That's how much I hate it. I pray I hate it as much as God does. Why do I feel this way?

• Because I am a child of divorce. (I have the scars to prove it. Just ask my counselor!)
• Because I have friends who are children of divorce. (I've seen their scars, too!) 
• Because I have family members and friends who are divorced.  (More scars!)
• Because I have read divorce papers (Horrible legal documents they are). 
• Because imagining divorcing my husband and tearing my family apart sickens me. 
• Because I have seen it cause people, both parents and children, to suffer immensely.
• Because it isn't biblical. (See this and that if you don't agree.)
• Because it is killing the church from the inside out. (Some sources claim our divorce rate is higher.)

Yes, before you start arguing with me in your head, I concede to the fact that many agree the Bible gives two reasons divorce is biblical--adultery and abandonment. Jesus also tells us to forgive seven times seventy times. The Bible also preaches restoration, reconciliation, unity, sacrificial love, and the most convicting teaching, suffering makes us more like Jesus. Because of those truths, I can't help but believe that God wants divorce to be the last option a Christian seeks, even in the cases of adultery and abandonment. Ask yourself this question, Christian: Would Christ divorce you, His bride?

When Justin and I were engaged, we made a promise to each other to never say the D word when we were fighting. We vowed it would be like a cuss word in our marriage. As the years have passed, the ideal marriage we wanted hasn't happened because we are real people who have real sin problems. Although we have broken promises, by God's awesome grace, our commitment to stay together remains.

Could we have divorced by now? Absolutely! No one is above the D word happening to them, yet that is the very reason this issue breaks my heart. I hurt for those who hurt. When I see a non-Christian couple flippantly getting a divorce, I have a righteous anger burst forth inside of me because of their lack of respect for marriage, and when I see a Christian couple doing the same, I am sickened because our society's mentality took them both hostage. The worst cases, by far, arise from a one-sided divorce. When a spouse has someone who's willing to work on their mutual covenant and then disregards that person anyway for selfish reasons, I want to shake the one who walked away. Literally. Shake. That. Person. (Sorry! I'm getting a little carried away!)

My marriage is stronger for persevering through many trials and tribulations. I am thankful for the rocky times because they have shown Justin and me what's really important: God and our little family. Our mission to teach our kids to navigate through tough waters with their future spouses has validity: "We did it, kids! You can too! Your marriage is important to God, no matter what!" You might think, "Christie, you don't know my situation. It's impossible!" No, it isn't. Believe it isn't. God can soften anyone's heart, no matter how tough, and He can mend it, no matter how shattered. Trust Him. Plead with Him. Do what you are called to do as a spouse even if your spouse isn't. That way, if divorce happens, you can stand before the Lord free from sin. Your spouse will have to answer for his/her sins. But strive for reconciliation. It is worth it. By God's grace, I know this to be true in my own life!

I realize that some of you are divorced, and you are possibly seething with anger at me or feeling pretty lousy about yourself right now. Don't do either, please. First of all, if you are angry at me, you don't have to agree with me. But please ask yourself if you are angry at me or at my words. Then I beg you to seek answers in your Bible, not from my blog. If you feel the latter, then know that God is a forgiving god who loves and accepts us no matter what mistakes we have made. I, of all people, am no better than you because I've made different choices when it comes to divorce. I have sinned in loads of other ways, so don't think I am casting stones at you.

I guess it all boils down to this question: Why don't more people look at the D word as the LAST possible option? Let me rephrase that: Why don't more Christians? We can't look like everyone else; we are called to live different lives and be aliens on this earth. By the way, when did anything worth having ever come easy? How can someone live life and not see that hard times come and go in everything? Why do we expect marriage to be different? People will stick with just about anything that gives them fits but a spouse. I just don't get it. I don't think I ever will.

Update: I found this to be contradictory to one of my earlier sources. Plus, it's encouraging to see that serious Christians aren't divorcing like the world!

This and That

This is an interesting opinion article. My fear is that Christians are going to lose tolerance in the name of tolerance.

If you are looking for sure-fire ways to destroy your marriage, read that.

Queen of a Double Wide

Are you happy? Are you filled with joy? Are you content in your present circumstances? Or are you constantly looking for the day when ___________ will happen or the day when you have enough money to do ___________. One of my mottos is the old saying, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." And you shouldn't. Neither should I. There's nothing wrong with looking forward to the future with expectations of what might happen; the problem occurs when we look ahead expecting future fulfillment. We are to live in the here and now, Christ-followers.

This idea is hard for Western Christians to swallow. We are surrounded by discontentment. If we don't have money or the latest gadget, then we don't have it all. If we don't have the biggest house, the most luxurious SUV, or the fanciest boat, then we are missing out on the good life. I could go on and on, but you get my point. 

Justin and I have lived out this sin. When God began blessing our faithfulness to tithing, we had more money than we needed for our bills for the first time. Pretty soon, we were buying a brand new vehicle,  purchasing new electronics, building a beautiful house, and eating out way too much. Money came and went too quickly for me to notice. It wasn't that we weren't giving to God and others; we were. It's just that our priorities weren't in line with God's. What did God do with our flippant attitude? He took almost all of it away. Yep. That's how he works sometimes. When we put something above Him, He will yank it away if He so desires. He humbles us in those moments, and I was petrified. I had to remember our newlywed financial insecurity, but this time it was much worse because we had three little mouths to feed. I wasn't content in the least.

The strange thing is that I wasn't content when we were making all of those spontaneous financial decisions. I struggled with contentment even when I was building the house of my dreams, and I really, deep down, didn't want that house. I cried when I saw the hardwood floors in our new house because it made me think of the hardwood floors in my first home with my newly divorced mother, the ones that had holes in the floor where I could see the ground. I felt conflict in my soul because I had so many good memories in that old, falling apart house, and I was anxious to give my children good memories in the new house where I stood. I failed miserably. The days in that beautiful house were the worst of my life. God knew my struggles, and He had a plan. That plan was to make me the queen of a double wide trailer and a plan to teach me the true meaning of contentment.

So now I, like Paul, have learned the following:
I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me. 
From Philippians 4, ESV

I am muy contento living in the same double wide trailer I lived many years of my childhood after our old house was demolished, the same double wide that once embarrassed me because I feared my peers would label me trailer trash. I remember the first weekend Justin and I finally were settled and were sitting in our chairs watching the kids play. He grabbed my hand, looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said, "My heart is full." He said that while we still faced many difficult circumstances like unemployment and a house to sell along with other issues too personal to recount, and I knew exactly what he felt because I felt it, too. My heart was and still is full because it is filled with the right things. God purged the sinful things regarding discontentment, and I give Him all the glory and praise for that difficult process in my life.

My sweet daughter often reminds me what's really important: "Momma, do you remember when we lived in our new house? That house was yucky. I love our house now. I'm glad we moved." She's content, and so am I. Although I don't claim to possess a "black heart and a pretty red neck," I am thankful to be a queen of a double wide. 

Groanings

"Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words."

Romans 8:26, ESV

This and That

Read this on suffering; I need to buy that book ASAP.

Stay Broken

 

Every so often, I feel defeated. I bawl my eyes out over everything that has happened to me. I am weak, and I have faced too many trials for me to bear. Just a few weeks ago, Justin watched me crumble before his eyes. I mumbled through sobs, "I'm still so broken." He replied, "Let me encourage you. That's right where God wants you, and that's how God wants you to stay."

Immediately, I was reminded of a pastors' and pastors' wives' conference we attended years ago in northern Georgia. One of the break away sessions was geared toward the ladies only. I will never forget the image the woman painted of the verses from 2 Corinthians 4, ESV:

Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

I cannot remember the speaker's name, but the cracked clay pot with a candle inside still burns brightly in my mind. She wanted us to see that although we are broken vessels, God shines His light through our cracks. We, like Paul says, are afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down, but we will not be crushed, driven to despair, forsaken, or destroyed. The concerns in my heart are there so that the power of Christ can shine through my cracks. I have numerous imperfections, so my inner candle will glow for all the world to see. It may flicker at times, but it won't go out. God won't let it. The bigger the cracks, the brighter my light will shine.

As paradoxical as it may sound, I pray that I keep heart and stay broken. I pray that for you, too.

This Has Happened To Me

I reposted this because I know it's truth--God has pulled the rug out from under me more than once:

When God Pulls the Rug Out

Has this happened to you?

You read all the signs that were so blatantly from the Lord—“yes, this is the path, go this way, I am with you.”

You have been amazed at the way he opened doors—you were scared but you walked through them.

The Lord confirmed his will for you through other people too—they were excited that God was doing this.

Finally, you were on board. You were excited. You were all in. You had peace about your decision.

And then, splat, he pulled the rug out from under you.

How will you be able to trust God again?

This, I think, is a common experience. Very common. It happens with all kinds of decisions: business, vocational, financial and relationships. You pray earnestly, you see God moving, you are amazed, and then…  it looks as if he simply vanished and left you on your own. You especially see it in broken relationships. That is, you seek the Lord about a marriage or relationship decision, it starts almost too well, and then the relationship takes a sudden and tragic turn, and there is no explanation for it.

You want to know why

Some problems are universal, but this one is for those who are spiritually mature. It happens to people who are earnestly seeking God, and only the mature do such things. And though anger toward God might flash occasionally, it isn’t the real issue. The real problem is that you feel you no longer know him. You want to know why God did this, yet he is silent. It doesn’t make sense: he gives with one hand and takes away with the other.

“Why?”

When no response comes, you start filling in the blanks. Maybe you deserved it. Maybe you have done wrong and you need to figure out what it is. That’s what maturity gets you; you see yourself as the culprit. This approach is understandable and—misguided.

Not a scavenger hunt for sin

“Why, O Lord?” is a recurring question in Scripture. In response, God does not send anyone on a scavenger hunt for sin, and does not fill in all the details that the asker might want to know either. Instead, he reaffirms that he does see trouble and grief (Ps. 10:14), and he will strengthen those who are weak (Is. 40:27-31). With these words he is revealing to us what we really need to know.

Check your assumptions

But there is another matter to consider.

All this started with our assumptions about how God works—we had confidence that we could know the will of God. We could discern the “open doors” and had that “peace.” Even more, we were confident that those open doors would lead to blessing, according to our definition of blessing. Perhaps it is time to re-evaluate.

The Apostle Paul held very different assumptions yet he believed that he knew plenty about God’s will. The King reigns, the Spirit has been poured out, the nations are ripe for the picking—that was enough for him. The times he received specific direction, he was confident that it would mean blessing for the larger church and hardships for him. He knew that if God was in it there would be challenges—challenges that reveal weaknesses and test faith.

God is not playing games when he pulls the rug out from under you. He is up to something, but it is probably not what you think it is. 

HT: Ed Welch

The Church Failed Me (Part 2)

In Part 1, you learned that the church failed me as it has many others. You read some characteristics of healthy and unhealthy churches, but the story doesn't end there. God tells us that Christians must never forsake meeting together, no matter what. We can't use unhealthy churches as the excuse to stay in bed on Sundays. Because Christ never fails us, we should obey His word: We should go to church.

Even though the church hurts and abandons people at times, we must not forget why we go to church. We go to church to worship with other believers, hear the Word preached, fellowship with other Christians, receive and give encouragement to make it through this difficult life, and obey God. We do not go to please people, join a club, socialize with friends, gain business contacts, gossip about fellow church members, destroy other Christians, or gain a selfish advantage over anyone.

Consider these verses:
Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, and since we have a great priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 
From Hebrews 10, ESV

Also, read Acts. Consider how the first church emphasized interaction among believers and how they found strength in numbers. In addition, remember the numerous verses throughout the Bible referring to believers singing and worshiping together. These prove that although the Christian walk is personal, it is not mean to be lived alone. It definitely is not something you do solely behind closed doors. In fact, other Christians should be able to identify you easily, and non-Christians should be able to see plainly that you aren't like them. One way to stand out in this world is to be faithful to God's church. I am not referring to buildings but other believers--THE CHURCH IS PEOPLE.

No matter how church failed you, won't you go to worship with fellow Christians this Sunday for the right reasons? If you show up with godly intentions, you won't regret it.

The Church Failed Me (Part 1)

Church. That is a loaded word or more like a loaded gun in some cases. No church is perfect because the church is filled with imperfect people. People make mistakes. They are sinners who distort a perfectly good thing, the Gospel. As a result, church turns non-Christians off. When they see the church acting just like the world, they have no reason to come to do so-called worship with people who claim Christ. They have no reason to fall in love with Jesus. The church can do something else almost as terrible. It can turn Christians off as well. It can burn God-fearing people to bits. My heart has been broken by church more than once in my life. The church has failed me at times, yet I learned a lot from being in different kinds of churches over the years. Here is what I have seen:

Healthy churches...

• value the Bible above any other book or document.
• have a biblical leadership structure (pastor, staff, and elders lead; deacons serve).
• are filled with broken people.
• don't fight over insignificant things like carpet, music, etc.
• fight for the right things and for each other.
• reach out with compassion and love.
• welcome people of all races and nationalities.
• are there for you when times get tough.
• discipline Christians who have gone astray to bring them back into fellowship.
• pray for unbelievers in the community to become believers.
• witness to their community, their nation, and their world.

Unhealthy churches...

• value documents like the Baptist Faith and Message (or the like) or their church constitution above the Bible.
• do not have a biblical leadership structure (usually deacons or a small group of members try to run the church).
• are filled with proud people.
• fight over the smallest of things like paint colors, air conditioner settings, etc.
• don't fight for the right things and forsake each other.
• point fingers and cast stones.
• don't welcome people who look differently than they.
• aren't there for you when you need them the most.
• do not practice church discipline. There's no accountability.
• do not pray for unbelievers like they should.
• do not emphasize evangelism.

There also are churches that possess characteristics of both. All churches have strengths and weaknesses, of course, just like Christians because the church is full of sinful, saved people. 

Again, I have been hurt to the core by unhealthy churches. I still have a god-given desire to fellowship with believers in spite of the damage done. Sometimes I don't understand why God allows those churches to continue to have open doors. My ways are not His ways, so I may never understand. What I do know is that you need to figure out if your church is more like the healthy or unhealthy church. If it's healthy, praise God and watch yourself so that you don't ruin it. If it's unhealthy, be convicted. Now, what are you going to do about it?

This and That

I can relate this to my own experiences with suffering.

And that is a great article practically explaining what a husband's sacrificial love should look like.

The Choice: More on Forgiveness

People hurt us. They offend us. They make us sad. They also are pretty good at making us angry. Most people we know do this from time to time, and we get over it fairly quickly. Other people live what seems like a lifetime of wronging others. How do we handle the latter folks' continued mistreatment? Do we wallow in the ongoing offenses? Do we continue to be their victims? If we do, then we should choose to be victims no longer. How do we accomplish such a lofty task, you ask? We must choose to forgive them.

First of all, you don't decide to be someone's victim. You don't have control of what people do to manipulate and hurt you. What you decide is to remain the victim. For example, when you realize someone does not have your best at heart, there are two ways to respond. One, you continue to let that person's actions define you. You can drown in self-pity and make decisions that enable that person to harm you even more. Or two, you can continue to love that person but remove yourself from the arrow's way. You can distance yourself so that when they try to hit you, the target, they miss. Now, what does this have to do with forgiveness? Let me explain.

Choosing to remain the victim only hurts the offender. In other words, letting that person continue to use you only leads to more and more offenses building up mountains of hurt for you to forgive. Distancing yourself allows you to deal with what's already happened and choose forgiveness. The offender cannot hurt you as much because of the separation, but you also give them grace by showing them forgiveness. Forgiveness is not saying, "What you did is okay, and you can do it to me again." Forgiveness is saying, "What you did hurt me, but I am going to release the debt you owe me because you cannot pay me back or make it right. I am going let Jesus pay your debt to me and seek Him to comfort me, heal me, and prayerfully, heal you and our relationship."

If you desire reconciliation with your offender, know this: Sometimes relationships end with reconciliation and sometimes they don't. Some offenders don't desire it. You don't have control either way just like you couldn't control becoming a victim. Don't fool yourself into playing God by trying to manipulate the outcome. You, however, can control remaining a victim.You can overcome victimization by choosing forgiveness. Here are some practical ways to do this:

1. Pray for your offender daily. Pray that God will forgive that person and that He will give you the grace to forgive like Him.
2. Remove yourself from the offender's life. Sometimes this is next to impossible. If your offender is your close family member, then you must distance yourself from his/her destructive behavior as much as possible. If your offender is someone you can live without, then live without him/her. It doesn't mean you don't care; you just want to protect yourself from the continued hurt and your offender from the continued temptation to sin against you.
3. Choose forgiveness each day. When the desire to wallow in hurt arises or you are triggered to remember the pain, press it back with prayer and a conscious effort to tell yourself that you desire to let go of the offenses and forgive.
4. Remember your own sins. You aren't perfect, and you aren't better than your offender. Thank God for His saving grace in your life. It will help you stop casting stones at others.

I was once a victim; I also decided to remain victimized for a time. Now, I choose forgiveness for all time. What will you choose?