Are you happy? Are you filled with joy? Are you content in your present circumstances? Or are you constantly looking for the day when ___________ will happen or the day when you have enough money to do ___________. One of my mottos is the old saying, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." And you shouldn't. Neither should I. There's nothing wrong with looking forward to the future with expectations of what might happen; the problem occurs when we look ahead expecting future fulfillment. We are to live in the here and now, Christ-followers.
This idea is hard for Western Christians to swallow. We are surrounded by discontentment. If we don't have money or the latest gadget, then we don't have it all. If we don't have the biggest house, the most luxurious SUV, or the fanciest boat, then we are missing out on the good life. I could go on and on, but you get my point.
Justin and I have lived out this sin. When God began blessing our faithfulness to tithing, we had more money than we needed for our bills for the first time. Pretty soon, we were buying a brand new vehicle, purchasing new electronics, building a beautiful house, and eating out way too much. Money came and went too quickly for me to notice. It wasn't that we weren't giving to God and others; we were. It's just that our priorities weren't in line with God's. What did God do with our flippant attitude? He took almost all of it away. Yep. That's how he works sometimes. When we put something above Him, He will yank it away if He so desires. He humbles us in those moments, and I was petrified. I had to remember our newlywed financial insecurity, but this time it was much worse because we had three little mouths to feed. I wasn't content in the least.
The strange thing is that I wasn't content when we were making all of those spontaneous financial decisions. I struggled with contentment even when I was building the house of my dreams, and I really, deep down, didn't want that house. I cried when I saw the hardwood floors in our new house because it made me think of the hardwood floors in my first home with my newly divorced mother, the ones that had holes in the floor where I could see the ground. I felt conflict in my soul because I had so many good memories in that old, falling apart house, and I was anxious to give my children good memories in the new house where I stood. I failed miserably. The days in that beautiful house were the worst of my life. God knew my struggles, and He had a plan. That plan was to make me the queen of a double wide trailer and a plan to teach me the true meaning of contentment.
So now I, like Paul, have learned the following:
I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at length you have revived your concern for me. You were indeed concerned for me, but you had no opportunity. Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.
From Philippians 4, ESV
I am muy contento living in the same double wide trailer I lived many years of my childhood after our old house was demolished, the same double wide that once embarrassed me because I feared my peers would label me trailer trash. I remember the first weekend Justin and I finally were settled and were sitting in our chairs watching the kids play. He grabbed my hand, looked at me with tears in his eyes, and said, "My heart is full." He said that while we still faced many difficult circumstances like unemployment and a house to sell along with other issues too personal to recount, and I knew exactly what he felt because I felt it, too. My heart was and still is full because it is filled with the right things. God purged the sinful things regarding discontentment, and I give Him all the glory and praise for that difficult process in my life.
My sweet daughter often reminds me what's really important: "Momma, do you remember when we lived in our new house? That house was yucky. I love our house now. I'm glad we moved." She's content, and so am I. Although I don't claim to possess a "black heart and a pretty red neck," I am thankful to be a queen of a double wide.
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