Stay Broken

 

Every so often, I feel defeated. I bawl my eyes out over everything that has happened to me. I am weak, and I have faced too many trials for me to bear. Just a few weeks ago, Justin watched me crumble before his eyes. I mumbled through sobs, "I'm still so broken." He replied, "Let me encourage you. That's right where God wants you, and that's how God wants you to stay."

Immediately, I was reminded of a pastors' and pastors' wives' conference we attended years ago in northern Georgia. One of the break away sessions was geared toward the ladies only. I will never forget the image the woman painted of the verses from 2 Corinthians 4, ESV:

Therefore, having this ministry by the mercy of God, we do not lose heart. But we have renounced disgraceful, underhanded ways. We refuse to practice cunning or to tamper with God's word, but by the open statement of the truth we would commend ourselves to everyone's conscience in the sight of God. And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.

But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you.

I cannot remember the speaker's name, but the cracked clay pot with a candle inside still burns brightly in my mind. She wanted us to see that although we are broken vessels, God shines His light through our cracks. We, like Paul says, are afflicted, perplexed, persecuted, and struck down, but we will not be crushed, driven to despair, forsaken, or destroyed. The concerns in my heart are there so that the power of Christ can shine through my cracks. I have numerous imperfections, so my inner candle will glow for all the world to see. It may flicker at times, but it won't go out. God won't let it. The bigger the cracks, the brighter my light will shine.

As paradoxical as it may sound, I pray that I keep heart and stay broken. I pray that for you, too.