Loving Your Man

Ladies, do you love your husbands? Of course, you do! Does he think you love him? Of course, he does! That's not our struggle. The better questions are these: Do you respect your husband? Sometimes, maybe. Does he think you do? Probably not, unfortunately.

I taught a class in the fall of 2011 based on the Bible study Loving Your Husband by Cynthia Heald. Through that study, I learned so much to prepare me for the hardest three months of my marriage. When Satan tried to tear my marriage apart, I reexamined my role as a wife by looking to God's Word for help. Again and again, He convicted and encouraged me. Here's what I discovered:

For my entire marriage, I have struggled with showing respect to Justin. Did I respect him? Yes. Absolutely. Did I show it? Nope. Hardly ever. I nagged him instead when I thought he should help me do something or complained when he asked me to help him do something. Many times I refused to help him because I felt I was too busy with my job or with the kids to assist him; however, it angered me when he failed to do the same. How's that for double standards? 

The Bible makes it pretty clear that women don't have a problem loving their husbands. We do, however, have problems respecting them. That's why God commands us to respect our husbands in Ephesians 5:33: ^"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." One of the two main ways a man feels loved is by feeling respected by his wife and kids. (You know the other way, but that discussion if for another blog post.) God doesn't have to command men to respect their wives; they are commanded to love. (That's another blog post, too!) We are told to respect our husbands. And we are to do this no matter what, even if what he is doing isn't respectable. God doesn't make exceptions.

What are some practical ways to respect your husband? 

• Don't talk badly about him to his face or to others. If you have a problem with him, go to him and seek to resolve it that way. Your mother or best friend won't fix things. 
• Help him. If you think he doesn't need your help, ask him how you can make his life easier that day. Ask until he tells you what he needs from you. Be prepared to fulfill his requests. 
• Seek to serve him and not be served by him. 
• Don't take the culture's mentality towards men. Satan fills the media and entertainment industries with the idea that men are stupid, hormone driven, and immature. 
• Believe in your husband as a man. Take interest in his work. Be there for him even when you don't feel like it. Let him do things that make him feel masculine.

You may feel like your husband is your enemy at times. Trust me, I have felt that way before too. Because I felt like Justin was against me, I felt like the whole world was against me. Nevertheless, God gave me the grace to respect, help, and love Justin through some dark days. All I did was ask God's help. Period. That's my secret: I prayed. I am a testimony to this truth--God is faithful to those who seek to honor and obey him.

So do I continue to disrespect my husband? Yes, sometimes because I am not perfect, yet God has convicted me of this sin and has revealed to me the JOY of helping my husband from listening to and supporting his ideas about the future to offering to help him with daily tasks. The best part is that this joy spills over to parenting my children. By the grace of God, I can say with confidence that I am a better wife than I have ever been as I love my man by respecting him. Do you respect yours?