On Being a POW

Did I type POW? Oops! I meant PW. For those of you in Southern Baptist churches, you know that PW means pastor's wife. I was a youth pastor's wife for three years and a senior pastor's wife for six years. I am no life-long expert on being a PW, but I have enough experience to know a thing or two. The following are some things your PW might want you to know.

Things your PW needs you to do (in no particular order):

1. Love her. (1 John 2:11)

You may not like her for whatever reason, but you are called to love her as she is called to love you. She may not like you either, by the way, and that's okay too.

2. Pray for her. (James 5:16)

Her job as a wife (and possibly mother too) is very hard because she shares her husband with a lot of people. She is single on Sundays and many other days of the week when your 3rd cousin's left toe gets infected, and you expect her husband to be at the hospital praying for healing. You also expect him to continue visiting the elderly shut-ins, preparing a sermon, administering guidance to other church staff, walking door-to-door inviting people to church, and leading his family like the Bible says he should all at the same time.

2. Encourage her. (1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Send her a note in the mail letting her know how much she's appreciated, and that you're praying for her. Surprise notes always meant the world to me. I saved them all and reread them when I needed encouragement.

3. Support her. (James 4:11)

Speak kindly about her to others. Stand up for her when others put her down.

5. Serve her. (Mark 10:45)

Invite her family to Sunday lunch every once in a while or take them out to eat. I can't tell you how thankful Justin and I were to have people offer this to us at times. It was a good time to fellowship with church members, and it gave me a break. (Please don't get offended if they say no. They might have other plans or are just plain tired.)

Things your PW does not need you to do (in no particular order):

1. Expect her to be your BFF. 

Do you think she can be everyone's best friend? Are you everyone's friend in the church? Do you think she can buy you and/or your kid she's never met presents every time there's a birthday or marriage or birth in your family? If so, please give her husband a raise so that she can quit her job (if she works), hire a nanny to take care of her kids, and have time to shop (and afford) all the time and gifts you expect from her. 

2. Tell her what you want her husband to do. 

She is encouraging and supporting her husband. She cannot, however, tell him how to minister and/or preach. That is his gift, not hers. She's commanded to submit to his leadership in her marriage. Plus, scripture also demands her submission to him as her pastor. Why aren't you doing the same?

3. Guilt her into serving in your ministry. 

You have gifts; she has gifts. Those aren't necessarily the same. She will serve where she feels led. Not all ministers' wives are long-time children's Sunday School teachers who play the piano so well they can play with their toes. 

4. Talk badly about her. 

She will hear about it. Don't tempt her to not love you. She's trying to love everyone her husband shepherds.

5. Stare at her. 

What will that accomplish? If you want to talk to her, go talk to her. If you don't want to talk to her, then mind your own business please. She feels like she's in the limelight as it is, so don't make church uncomfortable for her. Let her worship free from distractions.

6. Embarrass her. 

It is not okay to put her on the spot because she is the PW. Treat her as you would like to be treated. PW's come in all personality types, so your PW may not be the type who is outspoken and likes all the attention. She may have married a man who wasn't in the ministry and surrendered later in life. Conversely, she may have signed up for this life willingly. It doesn't matter either way. What does matter is that she likes her husband, and she married him. She doesn't like being humiliated though.

7. Betray her.

If you get close to her, then don't use her for your own selfish ambitions. Are you trying to get information for your power-hungry deacon husband? Are you trying to get dirt on her to hurt her husband's ministry because you don't like him or for some other ungodly reason? Are you wanting info for your gossiping buddies? Are you trying to steal her husband away from her and her children? Leave that poor woman alone; don't be an instrument of Satan. And please repent from your evil deeds. It's not too late to reconcile with God and others.

Well, as you can see, being a PW is kind of like being a POW since spiritual warfare is real within churches. Christians, keep doing the things you know you should do. Your PW benefits from your faithfulness to God. Unfortunately, all people in churches aren't really Christians. Some are there as Satan's warriors fighting against God's people and His commands and desires. Remember that the next time you start to criticize your PW.

I didn't get the title wrong after all.