The D Word

The D word isn't a cuss word. It's a part of everyone's life in some way. It's one of the ugliest parts of  US culture too. It's divorce.

Divorce, I hate. I hate divorce. Divorce is hated by me. I could say it over and over again. I could say it a hundred different ways. That's how much I hate it. I pray I hate it as much as God does. Why do I feel this way?

• Because I am a child of divorce. (I have the scars to prove it. Just ask my counselor!)
• Because I have friends who are children of divorce. (I've seen their scars, too!) 
• Because I have family members and friends who are divorced.  (More scars!)
• Because I have read divorce papers (Horrible legal documents they are). 
• Because imagining divorcing my husband and tearing my family apart sickens me. 
• Because I have seen it cause people, both parents and children, to suffer immensely.
• Because it isn't biblical. (See this and that if you don't agree.)
• Because it is killing the church from the inside out. (Some sources claim our divorce rate is higher.)

Yes, before you start arguing with me in your head, I concede to the fact that many agree the Bible gives two reasons divorce is biblical--adultery and abandonment. Jesus also tells us to forgive seven times seventy times. The Bible also preaches restoration, reconciliation, unity, sacrificial love, and the most convicting teaching, suffering makes us more like Jesus. Because of those truths, I can't help but believe that God wants divorce to be the last option a Christian seeks, even in the cases of adultery and abandonment. Ask yourself this question, Christian: Would Christ divorce you, His bride?

When Justin and I were engaged, we made a promise to each other to never say the D word when we were fighting. We vowed it would be like a cuss word in our marriage. As the years have passed, the ideal marriage we wanted hasn't happened because we are real people who have real sin problems. Although we have broken promises, by God's awesome grace, our commitment to stay together remains.

Could we have divorced by now? Absolutely! No one is above the D word happening to them, yet that is the very reason this issue breaks my heart. I hurt for those who hurt. When I see a non-Christian couple flippantly getting a divorce, I have a righteous anger burst forth inside of me because of their lack of respect for marriage, and when I see a Christian couple doing the same, I am sickened because our society's mentality took them both hostage. The worst cases, by far, arise from a one-sided divorce. When a spouse has someone who's willing to work on their mutual covenant and then disregards that person anyway for selfish reasons, I want to shake the one who walked away. Literally. Shake. That. Person. (Sorry! I'm getting a little carried away!)

My marriage is stronger for persevering through many trials and tribulations. I am thankful for the rocky times because they have shown Justin and me what's really important: God and our little family. Our mission to teach our kids to navigate through tough waters with their future spouses has validity: "We did it, kids! You can too! Your marriage is important to God, no matter what!" You might think, "Christie, you don't know my situation. It's impossible!" No, it isn't. Believe it isn't. God can soften anyone's heart, no matter how tough, and He can mend it, no matter how shattered. Trust Him. Plead with Him. Do what you are called to do as a spouse even if your spouse isn't. That way, if divorce happens, you can stand before the Lord free from sin. Your spouse will have to answer for his/her sins. But strive for reconciliation. It is worth it. By God's grace, I know this to be true in my own life!

I realize that some of you are divorced, and you are possibly seething with anger at me or feeling pretty lousy about yourself right now. Don't do either, please. First of all, if you are angry at me, you don't have to agree with me. But please ask yourself if you are angry at me or at my words. Then I beg you to seek answers in your Bible, not from my blog. If you feel the latter, then know that God is a forgiving god who loves and accepts us no matter what mistakes we have made. I, of all people, am no better than you because I've made different choices when it comes to divorce. I have sinned in loads of other ways, so don't think I am casting stones at you.

I guess it all boils down to this question: Why don't more people look at the D word as the LAST possible option? Let me rephrase that: Why don't more Christians? We can't look like everyone else; we are called to live different lives and be aliens on this earth. By the way, when did anything worth having ever come easy? How can someone live life and not see that hard times come and go in everything? Why do we expect marriage to be different? People will stick with just about anything that gives them fits but a spouse. I just don't get it. I don't think I ever will.

Update: I found this to be contradictory to one of my earlier sources. Plus, it's encouraging to see that serious Christians aren't divorcing like the world!