Lessons Learned Since I Turned 33

Happy birthday month to me! I will turn 34 years old this month. Oops! Did I say 34? I meant 29! Ha ha! Seriously, I look forward to celebrating my 34th year. Why am I telling you this? Because the following is something I wrote late one night in June 2012. It's how this blog was born a month before it literally was born. I've been saving it for my birthday month. This is a very personal message, and I pray that it encourages and/or convicts as you walk with Christ. 

In November 2011, I turned 33 years old. That doesn’t seem like a very significant age, right? Well, for me, it is. When I woke that morning, I faced a difficult time in my life. My husband resigned two days earlier from his ministry position. We had just built and moved into a beautiful new house and depended on his salary to pay the mortgage. I was worried, to my shame, not trusting God with these things. These worries became minute compared to the news I would face that morning. Before I left for work on my 33^rd birthday, I learned that my marriage had been attacked. Everything I knew to be true in my life crashed all around me. The suffering was intense because I was overwhelmed with fear, anger, hurt, shame, and sadness; however, the story doesn’t end there. A new life was just beginning. God was and still is teaching me truths that I had often given lip service until that birthday. Now those truths are present in my every day life. I want to share these four truths with you:

1.     The Power of Satan

I Peter 5:8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. 9 Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world.

Peter gives us a very clear warning here that we must heed. I had always thought that my husband was spiritually superior to me. I felt unworthy at times to be his wife. He knew so much about the Bible that I placed him on a pedestal far above my own self. This was wrong of me. When the truth was revealed, I learned that God could allow Satan (read Job) to tempt any man. I realized that God gives us a warning to be “sober-minded; be watchful” and that we were unprotected because of his own failure to do this and, partly, because of mine. Satan is after us, Christians. He has the world already; he wants us. I didn’t take that seriously until that day. Since then, God has made me realize that as a wife, I have a responsibility in my home to be sober-minded and watchful. It is my job to protect my home just as much as it is Justin’s. I cannot be flippant about what comes in my house whether it is a movie, song, television show, magazine, or internet site. I have to be more careful choosing friends as well. Satan uses any and all methods to invade Christian homes. Now, I know that my marriage can be attacked, my husband can be attacked, my children can be attacked, and I can be attacked. No one is so godly that he or she is free from this command in 1 Peter. In fact, I say if you aren’t concerned about this truth, then look around you carefully. Are you allowing Satan in your home? Are you seeking worldly things, not godly things? Satan is working in your life already, Christian. Don’t be devoured. Resist him. 

2.     The Power of Sin

John 8:34 Jesus answered them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who practices sin is a slave to sin."

Sin is enslaving. I knew this to be true from my own life before I became a Christian. The sin cycle didn’t just end when I got saved either. It is not a fairy tale ending the day we accept Christ. In fact, it is the beginning a war between our flesh and the Spirit inside of us. Yet, I didn’t realize the power of sin until I saw it had taken over my husband’s life. Rather than point fingers at him, I clearly saw the mirror Justin's sin placed in plain view to reveal my own transgressions. The night of my 33^rd birthday, God threw me on my face grieving over sins I had failed to confess. God revealed to me, through Justin’s sin, that I was no better than Justin. He clearly showed me in scripture as I sobbed and prayed that I was nothing without Him. Every sin I felt had been committed against me I had committed myself. Aren’t we the unfaithful wife and God the ever-faithful husband? Yes. If you think God's not talking about you in Hosea then your eyes are blind to truth. God made me see my sins, no matter how small or big in the world's eyes, are sins nonetheless. He continued to solidify this truth in my heart over the coming weeks. Here’s the good news Jesus gives:

35 The slave does not remain in the house forever; the son remains forever. 36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

We can be set free from sin “if the Son sets you free.” Praise the Lord! He sets us free from our sin nature! I realized that this is a continual process in my earthly life. It does not end with some half-hearted sinner’s prayer. It begins with a repentant heart that trusts in the One who can make things right. I am a Christian and a sinner simultaneously; therefore, I need Jesus constantly to set me free.

3.     The Power of Secret Prayer

Matthew 6:5 And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. 6 But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

The Pharisees loved to pray in public to appear godly. How often are we like them? We play the part in public, but in private we fail in our Christian walk miserably. When I faced the hard truths in November 2011, I began a life of secret prayer like I never had before. There were many nights I didn’t sleep but stayed in my closet on my face in prayer. Two of the prayers I prayed over and over were: “Lord, let me love my husband like You love him” and “Break my husband’s heart, Lord. Break him until he is nothing and then fill him with You.” God directly answered my secret prayers. (I know there were others praying in secret during this time because they have now revealed it to me. Many were praying the same prayers I was for myself and for Justin. Now, that’s the power of prayer!) My marriage has been restored to a new and better than ever relationship. I love Justin more now than I ever have, more than I ever thought possible because God was and is faithful to me. He answered when I called. Justin repented, and the Lord is teaching and molding him into the godly leader He wants. I see the Holy Spirit working in Justin's life like never before, and he isn’t even in a formal ministry position. He is, however, a minister. He’s a minister to my children and me. I hope this testimony encourages you to realize that secret prayer is important. Go in your closet and pray for what’s tearing you down. Pray over scripture. I prayed from Psalms many times when I couldn’t find the words myself. Just pray!

4.     The Power of the Spirit

Romans 8:26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Paul’s words comforted me in a new way during this difficult time. I didn’t sleep much for three weeks after my 33^rd birthday. There were many nights that I couldn’t find the words and my eyes were swollen from crying, so reading the Bible was not always an option, yet I never felt God abandoned me. The Spirit constantly reminded me in my heart that I was not alone. God held me in His hands like a crying child. It was beautiful. My hurt became a connection to God that I hadn’t experienced before. Had I suffered before? Absolutely. Going though infertility with Justin was terrible. What was different now though? I had learned from that trial how God is so loving and faithful. He never left my side during those dark days even when I screamed at him for hours or ignored him for months. I was able to look back on that experience and know that I was not alone. I could also look back and know what not to do. I saw the Holy Spirit working in my life the entire time. Even though my husband failed me, God did not. As a result, when I wasn’t secretly praying, the Spirit was interceding for me. Through my weaknesses, He was and is made strong. His truth was and is revealed through the Spirit's intercessions. 

In November 2008, I turned 30 years old. I was pregnant with my daughter, my oldest child, and gave birth a little over a month later. My life has been a whirlwind ever since in many good and bad ways. My age reminds me that when Jesus turned 30, he began his earthly ministry. Then, he was crucified at age 33. I was crucified at age 33 as well. I have experienced suffering now like I never had before, and I praise God for it. My sufferings have only brought me closer to Christ. Nevertheless, my sufferings do not compare to His. His make me thankful for this gift of life. His make me thankful for the blessings of my wonderful husband and my three precious children. And His sufferings keep me focused on His truth and faithfulness. Suffering is good.